I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
