just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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