I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
