Fuck appropriateness.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
