What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
