Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
