Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
