Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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