all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's the barista slut.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
