somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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