I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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