thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
