you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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