I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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