We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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