Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
