I am puke
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
