I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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