why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
