If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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