i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize