Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
