Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
