But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
