meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
