What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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