is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
