I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
