my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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