Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
