I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
