do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
