I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
