i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
