booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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