we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
