hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
