I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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