No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
