I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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