Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
