i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
