I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
