hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
