please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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