Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
kristin has been a bad kristin
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that's an acceptable place to lick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
