The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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