I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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