Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
