i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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