you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
