you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
