After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
