it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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