You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
