He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
