My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
