Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
