pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
