we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
