She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
