Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
