Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
