So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
