Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
