Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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