as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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