Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
