lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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