I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
