no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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