I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We got so high we made milksteak
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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