you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
