My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
