I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
