I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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