you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
