It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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