You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize