you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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