Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
