Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
