I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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