God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize