Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
