A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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