Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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