My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
