You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
