you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
