someone get that fucking seahorse.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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