He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
where are my eyebrows?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
