Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
