Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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